hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
