4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
