Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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