I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
