I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
