Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
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Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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