I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
