after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
