piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize