I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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