I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
