My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
