just tell him i said nine months
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
