WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
