Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
