I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know her cup size but not her name....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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