Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
