happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
In other news, I just burned my penis
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
