I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
