bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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