I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
