even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
