the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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