i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
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Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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