pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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