1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
