party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
