Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
