I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
