hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
