Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
