Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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