Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
