i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
