so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
