that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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