Dual....:-)
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
