Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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