Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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