I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
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Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
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He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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