She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
