just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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