and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
God I need to hump something, right now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
