Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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