I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize