I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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