I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
