my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
