I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
