people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
