Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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