also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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