why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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