this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
