I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
