I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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