I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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