Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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