I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
