last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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