My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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