Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
