the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
