Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
