He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
