May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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