she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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