OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
