when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
