we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
