If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
